I start working again on May 6th, in exactly 2 weeks. I'm dreading it, even though I know it's an inevitable necessity. It will be so hard to miss so much. Fortunately, I'm only working 3 days per week--Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. I don't think I could have managed working more than that. We're also fortunate in that we won't have to arrange for outside childcare. Don's work schedule is fairly flexible, and he will stay home with Lydia on the days I work, and will drive to work on the days I'm home. Is it bad that I'm kind of jealous of all the time with her he'll have while I'm at work?
What I dread most of all, of course, is leaving Lydia at home. I've been away from her only 3 or 4 times, each time for no more than 2 hours. It will be really rough to be away for a whole day. I'm also dreading the organization that will be required to get me out the door with everything prepared for the day. This is one HUGE benefit of not having to go to daycare. I won't have to worry about having her dressed and ready with a stash of diapers, bottles, and other accoutrements. I will have to make sure that she has enough milk, so pumping will have to become my life. I've done some pumping and freezing, but nothing like the milk-cow effort which will have to ensue once the work starts. Fortunately, some pumping time has been worked into my patient schedule, so I anticipate being able to pump 3 times per day at work, which will hopefully be enough to keep my little girl fed. So each day before work I'll have to give Lydia a good feeding, shower, eat, and get out the door bearing my breast pump and enough bottles/storage bags to face the day, with a fresh ice pack every day. I anticipate that the little refrigerator in my office will be full of breastmilk, especially when my office-mate Dana gets back. She's due any day now, and both of us will be pumping once she returns to work in 12 weeks. How funny that will be!
I'm also a little nervous about whether my diagnostic skills will be as keen as they were when I left work. I haven't thought about dermatology in 3 months, and I'm worried that I'll be a little rusty. But it's like riding a bike, right?
Today I'm charting Lydia's eating and sleeping times. I will try to do this for the next few days, so that we can have some awareness of her schedule. I think this should help Don out immensely when I'm at work, and should help both of us better anticipate her needs.
Speaking of Lydia, she took a nap in her crib this morning (only 45 minutes), but it's a start, and she rolled over for the first time (she rolled over twice on day 5, but I consider that an anomaly). I don't know if she understands cheering yet, but I cheered her on with considerable gusto during and after the roll. I hope my enthusiasm will encourage similar gymnastics in the future :)
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